Health

Beyond The Peckers From Hell

Several months back, I blogged for Mypheme about my nagging pecker problem. My house was under siege by a determined woodpecker. After various attempts to scare him off, he finally gave up and left pissed that some crazy, frizzy haired, robe-clad woman, banging pots and pans, was continually interrupting his orgasmic drilling on the side of the house. Well, I sure underestimated that little pecker because now he has brought back some bigger friends. Friends with a wing span of 57 inches. Friends, who look small when soaring up in the sky, but when they dive 120 miles for my chimney to perch, have me dialing 911.

OMG, attack of the red tailed hawks.

I remember when, a few towns away, an aggressive red-tailed hawk attacked at least five people including a woman who needed medical care after being cut on the head. Officials said the hawk had snatched a hat off a boy’s head, snagged headphones from a man and even attacked a car. Recess and gym classes at a nearby school were held indoors.

I’ve seen this movie.

The Red-tailed Hawk is generally non-aggressive toward people unless there are nestlings present or if you’ve pissed off his friends like I did. Did I forget to mention that the Red-tailed Hawk is carnivorous?

That’s not a weathervane on my chimney, folks. That’s the real deal.

When I pull into my driveway, he eyes my car. Funny how the spring squirrels and other small critters have mysteriously disappeared from the yard.

Electric garage door openers never looked this good.

I may throw the Trader Joe’s Marinated Beef Roast out the window as a peace offering.

Negotiation is key in this situation.

The Ivy League of Vegetables

If you mention Kale to any nutritionally informed person, be prepared for the “gotta have it” speech as they will sing its praises as if the vegetable were good in bed. That being said, I’m trying to include this cruciferous vegetable in my meal repertoire, but I’m struggling with how to cook it and make it tasty and nutritious at the same time.

Let me state for the record that the “Green Smoothie Drink” did not fly.

Non-disputed research shows that there are three standout benefits from Kale. It’s loaded with: (1) antioxidant and anti-inflammatory nutrients, (2) much-needed macronutrients (in which the average U.S. adult is currently deficient), and (3) cancer-preventive nutrients called glucosinolates. In addition, Kale is packed with Vitamin K and is an excellent source of vitamin A, vitamin C, and manganese; a very good source of copper, tryptophan, calcium, vitamin B6, and potassium; and a good source of iron, magnesium, vitamin E, vitamin B2, protein, vitamin B1, folate, phosphorous, and vitamin B3.

Seriously, that reads like the back of a multi vitamin bottle and it even has FIBER.

I’ve thrown it raw into a salad, but the one hour-post-meal flossing made it a real chore to eat. How do you cook this stuff that resembles a freshly mowed lawn while retaining all of its nutritional value?

A friend of mine has a snack-like recipe where you chop the kale, toss it with olive oil and cider vinegar, season with whatever spices you like (I used a ton of garlic salt…big no-no) and roast it at a high temperature until it gets crunchy. If you close your eyes, you can pretend you’re eating salt and vinegar chips, but the roasting kills most of the nutrients. Does anyone have a good Kale recipe that tastes good and delivers on all the nutritional hype?